I have not yet begun to fight

April 8, 2007 at 11:02 am (Abandonment issues, Mowgli, Relocation)

Mowgli has spoken to his boss/manager/commanding officer/ whatever  and has told him of his intention to leave (1 year notice period) and looks like he’ll be spending the remainder of his contract in Singapore. That would be a different country then. He’s just told me and I know I should be pleased because he’s been hating his job but I’m disappointed. It was only supposed to be a fling but I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him and I don’t think we’ve been seeing each other long enough or know each other well enough to be able to carry this on long distance.

 He thinks we’ll be able to see each other more when he’s in Singapore than we do right now and he might have a point. I was supposed to see him this weekend and he didn’t get out of the jungle until this morning. He’s off to the UK – wasn’t supposed to be until the 27th it’s now been changed to the 10th. Now he gets sent off all over the place at a moments notice so we never get to plan things and every moment is snatched but deep down, I suspect it’ll fizzle out.

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A hard fall means a high bounce… if you’re made of the right material.

January 28, 2007 at 1:00 am (Relocation)

I’ve often thought there is a very valid business proposition in witness relocation. Not necessarily because you’re a target of the mob, perhaps more because you’re bored. Sick of the daily grind. Sick of getting up in the middle of January and facing the sleet and ice to fight your way onto a steaming tube, to spend eight hours in the office with people we don’t like. What if there was someone you could ring who would whisk you away from that. What would you make of the opportunity?

Working abroad was my opportunity. Obviously as a witness reaction it would have failed miserably, partially because I hadn’t witnessed a crime (unless you’re counting watching my council tax and my local amenities got worse and worse) but secondly because I seem to have brought so much of my old life with me.

I’ve had that fresh start, I’ve been offered it but now, six months in, how fresh is it?
I appear to have packed my resentments, bad temperand petty insecurities. And my phobia’s.

I was at a birthday party today, an adult birthday party and they had hired a bouncy castle. It’s amazing the things you’ll do when you don’t have the option of just meeting people at the pub. I watched everyone bouncing with gay abandon, then I watched the hose come out and the washing up liquid and the thought of getting on and joining in left me paralyzed with fear. It wasn’t the thought of being in close contact with people although I’ll be honest, the idea of being that close to humanity does fill me with revulsion, it’s more the whole bouncing thing I think. 

Why can’t I have a normal phobia? Like a fear of clowns.

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